Bush Unveils Ambitious Plans for Remainder of Term

November 29, 2006

Aims To Complete Up To Twenty Sudoku
Puzzles a Day, President Tells NATO Leaders

By ANDY BOROWITZ
http://www.borowitzreport.com

President George W. Bush used the occasion of the NATO summit in Latvia today to unveil an ambitious plan for the remainder of his term in office, vowing to complete up to twenty sudoku puzzles a day between now and 2009.

To many of the leaders gathering in Latvia who had expected to see a chastened U.S. president in the aftermath of his party’s midterm election losses, Mr. Bush’s ambitious sudoku agenda came as a complete surprise.

“All of those critics out there who expected George W. Bush to roll over for the next two years are going to be sorely disappointed,” said Portuguese president Aníbal Cavaco Silva. “He had a lot of pencils sharpened and he seems totally prepared to use them.”

While some NATO leaders seemed nonplussed by Mr. Bush’s sudoku agenda, British Prime Minister and fellow lame duck Tony Blair pledged to join the president in completing twenty sudoku puzzles a day, pronouncing the puzzles “jolly good.”

Professor Davis Logsdon, who heads up the political science department of the University of Minnesota, said that Mr. Bush’s ambitious sudoku agenda may represent an opportunity to secure his legacy for his eight years in office.

“In President Bush’s first six years, gas prices shot up to three dollars a gallon and the budget deficit soared to $248 billion,” Dr. Logsdon said. “These sudoku puzzles could be his last chance to show he’s good with numbers.”

Elsewhere, top Chechen rebels turned down Russian President Vladimir Putin’s offer to meet with him over sushi.

Andy Borowitz’s New Book – $11.53 at Amazon.com

Andy Borowitz’s Last Show of the Year – December 18

Andy returns to his smash-hit live show for one more time this year on Monday, December 18 at Mo Pitkin’s House of Satisfaction. Lucky audience members will receive autographed copies of THE REPUBLICAN PLAYBOOK. Doors open at 8:15; show begins at 8:30. 34 Avenue A between 2nd and 3rd. Tickets only $6 at the door or at http://www.ticketweb.com.

December 3: Brooklyn
Andy hosts an afternoon of storytelling with “The Moth” on Sunday, December 3 at 3 PM at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. For info go to http://www.themoth.com.

January 28: Seattle
Andy performs for one night only on Sunday, January 28 at 7:30 at the Moore Theater in Seattle. Ticket information at http://www.themoore.com.

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